PANEL 1

A quote opens the scene: You recognize the signs of your own kind when you go away. – Dylan Moran

The dark background of the quote box turns into a gradient as we come upon a nighttime scene. The Langered Crab looks like any other Irish pub, with a healthy mass of flowering greens above the facade. The name of the pub is done in traditional Irish font, gold letters against a dark background, with each word separated by red and gold stacked bars. A stylized crab sits on either end of the sign, adding some character to a standard design.

PANEL 2

An upward view of the door as it opens inward. The silhouette of a person’s head is seen.

SFX: SQUEEAA

PANEL 3

The entrant stands on the doormat near the door. He runs his left hand over the back of his neck, obscuring his face to the viewer. He’s a tall man, and wears a burgundy hoodie, jeans, and outrageously bright blue high tops.

In the foreground, CAT lies her head on the circular table that she’s sitting at. She appears to be asleep. An overhead light casts a glow over her blonde hair.

PANEL 4

Dimness and low amber lighting clash against the scenery, making it difficult to see the walls. What can be seen are a framed collection of billiard balls and awards; a painting of a woman with a quote underneath, and a bronze depiction of the busts of what are likely the three founders of the bar.

The entrant has walked to the right side of the panel. We see he has a shaved head. He looks back, spotting CAT at her table.

PANEL 5

CAT jolts away, arms and fingers spasming.

PANEL 6

A severe closeup of CAT as she looks over her shoulder at whatever has caught her attention. Only her left eye is visible; the pupil has shrunk to a pinpoint.

PANEL 7

We see the crowded bar from CAT’s point of view. It’s tinged in red, a la Terminator. Humanoid figures appear in white and peach, with a lone red figure in the center. Flags of countries hang over the figures, indicating their countries of origin. There are plenty of Irish flags, with the following flags scattered about: Scotland, Ivory Coast, Ghana, United Kingdom, and the Republic of Dave. Above the red figure is the American flag.

On the left side is a black bar with CAT’s “readings”:

Threat detected.

Country of origin mode activated.

Scanning…

Results: Lots of locals. Handful of non-locals. One asshole sovereign citizen.

Detecting…

PANEL 8

A worrying closeup of the figure in red. Its eyes and mouth are white, giving it an extra eerie appearance.

On the left side, CAT’s readout continues:

Threat isolated.
Country of origin: America.
Precise origin: Unknown, maybe from a big city.
Stats: Male. Caucasian. Forty-ish/older millennial. Overwhelmingly friendly. Really wants to be your friend.
Action to take: Avert gaze now.

On the right side, hovering by the red figure, are black boxes with additional information such as: Eyes bright and friendly. Mouth incessantly running. Arms will hug if given a chance.

PANEL 9

CAT has averted her gaze. Her eyes are wide with terror. She looks ready to hug herself to the point of imploding.

CAT: (thinking) If I look away fast enough, he won’t have seen me. If I pretend I’m busy on my phone, he’ll ignore me.

PANEL 10

Too late. The figure is now sitting across from CAT. He leans forward, fists balled in excitement. His bright irises are blue circles. His mouth is stretched in a toothy smile in the middle of his auburn beard.

DARIEN: (yelling) Hi, I’m Darien! Glad to meet you!

PANEL 11

DARIEN’s speech floods this panel and the next as his words threaten to take up the very air of the room.

DARIEN: Oh, man, the minute I spotted you, I knew you had to be a fellow countryman! Or is it a countrylady? Gosh, seeing another American is like finding hen’s teeth or however that saying goes! Gosh, I can’t say how happy I am to see a kindred spirit! How’re you liking Ireland? How’d you get over here?

PANEL 12

CAT listens on, paralyzed from terrified boredom.

PANEL 13

DARIEN joyfully carries on, oblivious to the statue-still condition of CAT.

DARIEN: I took a devil whale from France. Those guys are usually pretty docile, but it’s their mating season. It was touch and go for a while there, but we were able to flag a fishing boat on its way to Dublin. Do you get the whole Dublin vs. Cork thing? I sure don’t. They’re both great cities in their own way. I kinda like the seafood in Cork better, but the pub crawling in Dublin is more varied blah blah blah blah…

The blahs are so numerous that the speech bubble has to fade out of existence to spare the rest of the panel.